Further Up and Further In
C.S. Lewis’s The Last Battle captures something profound about our spiritual journey. Toward the end of the book, as the characters enter Aslan’s true country, one of them exclaims:
“I have come home at last! This is my real country! I belong here. This is the land I have been looking for all my life, though I never knew it till now. The reason why we loved the old Narnia is that it sometimes looked a little like this. Come further up, come further in!”
This passage reminds me that life with Christ is not just about returning—it’s about continually moving forward, growing in faith, and becoming more like Him. Our covenants are not just checkpoints; they are guiding lights, calling us deeper and higher, further up and further in.
Today, I want to share a story—one that I didn’t realize was a part of my journey until recently. It’s a story of losing my way, of a forgotten prayer, and of a Savior who never forgot me.
A Forgotten Prayer
Back in high school in the 1970s, I participated in speech festivals. I don’t remember the topics but for my speech for my last festival I presented in poetry form. I’ve forgotten most of it, except for the last lines which went;
“And if someday I lose my way, and my light loses some of its shine, send a loving friend to find me, for I am a daughter of thine.”
I didn’t exactly win, but the judges made up a special award for most spiritual. I felt a little bad about that because as I said the final few words I felt my voice break it sounded like might have been feeling the spirit but it came and went so fast. The only reason I remembered any of this is because for a little while I felt bad about that break in my voice. I was afraid it made my talk seem more spiritual than it really was. However Life moved on. I went to college, served a mission, got married, had a daughter, and later went through a divorce. Over time, wrong choices, and too much pride took a toll and what began as a small slip off the path became a full slide away from my covenants. Eventually, I stopped trying and became completely inactive for 27 years.
Then one day, I felt a prompting to go to church—and so I did.
A Promise Fulfilled
When a counselor in the stake presidency called me and asked me to talk about how my covenantal relationships strengthens my testimony, the memory of that speech festival talk came flooding into my head.. It came so fully and completely that I totally stopped listening to the phone call conversation. When he asked me to tell him what the topic of the talk was to be I couldn’t remember.
The memory of that speech wouldn’t leave my mind. It kept coming back repeatedly. I felt like I should share the story in this talk, but I couldn’t figure out how it fit with the topic. By the time I fell asleep I was pretty sure I should throw the story away and just do a generic talk without so much of myself in it. But in the morning I still strongly felt that someone needed to hear the story. So I prayed, and I asked for guidance. While sitting in the temple, waiting for the session to start and thinking about the talk. I felt a very strong confirmation that I was to use the story, that there was someone who needed to hear it.
I was shown that it fit the topic in this way, my poem from high school wasn’t just poetry, it was a prayer. A prayer I didn’t know I was offering, asking for help I never really believed I would need. I was sure I would never break my covenants and that I would never become an inactive member. But Christ knew. He was there beside me at the podium that night, knowing the choices I would make. When I spoke those words, He made a promise spoken to my heart. I never even knew about until just then.
“Someday you will lose your way, but you are mine and when the time is right, and you are ready I will lead you back.”
Elder Gong teaches us:
“Along life’s path, we may lose faith in God, but He never loses faith in us. As it were, His porch light is always on. He invites us to come or return to the covenants that mark His path. He waits ready to embrace us, even when we are ‘yet a great way off.’”
That is exactly what I experienced.
Even when I was far away, He was waiting.
And when I was ready, He led me home.
For me, my covenantal relationships, starting with baptism, strengthens my testimony by growing my faith.. That faith allows me to recognize God’s hand in my life—the tender mercies, the tiny miracles. Being able to see those moments, strengthens my testimony, which in turn strengthens my faith, allowing me to see even more of His hand.
Elder Gong continues:
“However often we stumble or fall, if we keep moving toward Him, He will help us, a step at a time.”
It’s not a perfect journey—it’s not a straight line. For me It’s a spiral, going up and growing tighter, moving inward and upward. As C.S. Lewis wrote, “Further up and further in.” And President Russel M Nelson says, “Higher and holier.”
Like everyone here I still struggle with so many things.
I am not perfect, but I don’t need to be.
I only need to keep moving further in and further up to levels that are higher and holier.
His grace will cover the rest, even when I stumble, even when I slide back.
And so it is for you. Because He made a promise and he always keeps his promises no matter how long it takes.